Martial Arts Training for Children: A Parent's Guide
At the surface, martial arts training is very attractive to both parents and
children alike for many different reasons. With so much time and money being
spent on this training, one would hope there is discernable long-term benefit to
this training. As in all things in life, reality does not always bear the fruit
of the ideal sold to you at the door of the martial arts school. In this
article, I am liberally generalizing the overall landscape of children's martial
arts instruction. While I do believe that most martial arts schools and programs
for children are utterly ineffective to the point of being a waste of time and
money for parents and children, there are many schools that are fabulous and add
value to the lives of all involved. This article should help you know what to
look for and what to avoid. Ultimately, it should help you make your own mind up
when you seek instruction for your own child. Each of us have different goals
and a different moral baseline to judge what is right for our children.
Know What You Want, Know What They Want
Parents who seek martial arts training for their children do so for a number
of reasons. Some are clearly aimed at benefit for their children, others are
merely convenient by-products of training. Some are good reasons, some perhaps
are not:
- Structured social interaction
- Physical fitness
- Self defense
- Getting the child out of the house for a while
- Learning to respect adults
- Because the child is begging the parent for classes (for any number of
reasons, but usually because a friend is participating)
- Because the child is showing some agility that indicates a possible
affinity in martial arts.
Before you decide where your child should train in martial arts, know what it
is you and your child want to get from it, whatever it is.
What Schools Want
Most martial arts schools that have children's programs are doing what is
obvious at face value: they are trying to extend their membership and increase
revenue. This is painfully obvious in some schools where, regardless of the
child's abilities, there is a scheduled handing out of colored belts and
tournaments every month. Each is designed to dole out a carrot to the child and
put a smile on his/her face long enough for you to write another check for the
next month.
There are a handful of schools out there that have much higher values than
this. I have personally met the instructors from these schools and can say there
is hope out there! These schools have higher goals such as bringing together
people from all walks of life throughout the community with a shared passion,
sharing and expanding knowledge in a given art, and bringing family and friends
together.
What Children Want
Kids want to hang out with children of their own age and gender and do just
about anything that is not related to housework. This is easy. So, perhaps a
better title for this section is...
What Children Need
Children need to learn 2 very important things:
- Almost no conflict should be solved with physical aggression.
- For those limited conflicts that require physical aggression, only
disciplined training in an effective self defense system is going to be worth
the time invested by the children.
Realities of Martial Arts Instruction
Focus on Fighting
rather than Not Fighting - Given a situation of conflict, many children
trained in martial arts find it easier to fight than not to fight. This
is clearly an inappropriate reflexive reaction that indicates a lack of proper
focus in the training curriculum. While it is very useful to know how to defend
yourself, it is unfortunate that most martial arts do not attempt to prevent
these situations. In most situations, a child can simply walk away from a
conflict without fighting. Without training how to do this, this is very
difficult. Children need to be taught that words should never be the cause of a
fight. Only situations where harm is imminent to the child or to a loved one of
the child (whether this includes "best friends" is largely up to the moral
compass of the parent). There are few schools that teach the legal and moral
ramifications of fighting and harming another person in any but situations of
utmost necessity.
Ineffective - The sad reality of martial
arts is that most martial arts are largely ineffective systems which teach
people how to move in a very specific way geared toward defending a very limited
set or type of situations. Martial arts schools generally do not teach you to
defend yourself in realistic situations or, more importantly, how to avoid solving conflict with
physical aggression.
Attrition - Regardless of the after school or
summer activity you get your children involved in (horseback riding, piano,
swimming, soccer), your greatest hurdle is finding something your child has an
affinity for. Nowhere is this more true than in martial arts training. Even
doing all your research, you cannot predict what your
child will truly enjoy. Equally importantly, you can do little to predict what
benefit you will see in your child after training. It may be your decision to
pull the child from training (to go to a better school, or to move on to another
activity altogether). One in 3 kids will last a year in martial arts. Many folks aren't suited to martial arts training. Make
sure your child gives it a good try before making his/her mind up (at least 3
months), but don't be surprised if they become a statistic of attrition.
The Hollywood Challenge - The
flashiest martial arts are universally the most useless in real scenarios. Kids see a
"flying side kick" or hear about something called an "iron butterfly kick" and
you can be sure they want to learn this first. We are all attracted to the
fantastic. Keep in mind the root of "fantastic" is the same as "fantasy."
Relying on techniques that require defying gravity is a fantasy. As are most
things in Hollywood, these techniques are merely a facade and do not represent
any substance worth your time or money. In fact, in realistic self-defense and
combat situations, these techniques are never even taught. But kids don't always
care about what works in reality. When my son was just getting started in
training, he was more interested in the damage power
of a Pokemon monster than he an effective hook punch. How do you counteract
this? Find a training program that can defend against and readily neutralize
these absurd attacks. After all, if 75% of kids who train in martial arts are
studying systems which teach these attacks, your children will need to be able to
spot and defend against these attacks. Luckily, this is quite easy!
Research: Looking for The Right Stuff
Finding a School that is Right for Your Children (and the Parent)
- Decide on a set of parental goals.
- Discuss what it is your child wants to get.
Understand their goals.
- Decide on your criteria for the right school. What is most important?
Strike a balance.
- Shop around! Do your research. Talk to a number of experts, but make your
own decision. By expert, I mean someone who has trained in multiple systems
over a number of years. Ask questions of your
prospective schools.
As in most things in life, the best things are rarely free and are rarely
conveniently located. This does not mean you need to drive 20 miles and spend a
ton of money on martial arts classes for your child. In fact, if you believe the
statistics of attrition, it would be a waste of your
time to over-commit yourself or your child before you know if your child has an
affinity for martial arts. Do your research, but know when to strike a balance
between the various factors in your life (time, money, commitment).
- What is your core focus?
- What does your curriculum consist of? In many schools, historical
information, etiquette, and terminology are just as important as physical
training. Be wary of board breaking training. This is where students are
expected to strike boards and break them in order to advance. Many traditional
and contemporary Asian striking systems rely on demonstration of power through
breaking wooden boards. This is a trick and had absolutely nothing to do with
a good punch. Ask professional boxers how much board breaking has helped them
get where they are. Board breaking is irrelevant. I was breaking boards as a
yellow belt in Karate in 1985. Trust me, I didn't know a thing about self
defense and those boards were falling apart. It proved nothing. Sure, it'll
help boost a fragile ego, but that's a false hope in the face of real danger.
- What is the basis for your self defense system? The answer you are looking
for is some historical breakdown of what systems of self defense have lead to
this one. Many martial arts are derived from one or more foundation systems.
If you don't understand what they are, ask follow-up questions. Simply knowing
that your child studies a derivative of Okinawan Karate and Japanese Judo is
meaningless if you don't understand more.
- Are weapons involved? If so, is the child learning to defend against
weapons (an attacker has a weapon) or in offensive situations? I make no
judgment here, but you should know ahead of time what they are and their
intended use.
- Do you have contracts? The same way a health club or cellular phone
service provider will get you to think that you are saving money by signing up
for a long term commitment, so too will many martial arts schools. This is
geared toward earning them more money, not saving you money. Again, the
concept of attrition applies here, and in this case
it can lead to a stressful situation for you and your child. Most children
will not last long in martial arts class. A parent's investment in a
contractual obligation often blinds them to the needs of their children:
"you'll go to this class because we've prepaid for three months!" Don't put
yourself in this situation if you can avoid it.
- What are the fees? Inquire about equipment costs, examination fees, private lesson costs, tournament expenses,
and late fees.
- Who does the teaching? Often times you will meet with a high ranking
instructor only to find that you are being instructed by a student teacher.
Student teachers are fine, but you should not be tricked by a bait and switch
tactic. I was a student teacher for years in a children's karate
program. How are student teachers trained to teach children? Usually they are
not. They just go through the same drills that an adult goes through. This is
clearly not appropriate since children often have not been taught the basic
life skills that are needed to avoid fighting.
- Can I watch your classes and examinations? If you are not allowed to, walk
away. You should watch a class before
deciding to join. When you do
watch a class, here are things you should look for.
- What are your rules on sparring? When do you let children start sparring?
Sparring is a controlled fighting situation that happens in training and
competition. A very common mistake made by schools is letting children spar
before they have the fundamentals required to control themselves so they don't
hurt themselves or their opponent. Another mistake is letting children spar
unsupervised. For children and adults alike, only those with intermediate to
advanced skill level should spar unsupervised.
- What is the mix of classes? Does the school cater to children only, or are
there men's and women's classes. This is important if you think you'd like to
have your child "grow up" in the art. What is the enrollment? If there are
hundreds of children and only a handful of adults, you are probably dealing
with a glorified daycare center, not a martial arts school.
Watching a Class: What to look for, and what
to not worry about
- Most martial arts are systems of body movement designed for self defense.
Do the students practicing this art move in a way you would like to move? Do
they move in a way you think it is possible for you to move knowing your
limitations?
- Are the intermediate and advanced students generally in the kind of
physical shape you'd like to be in?
- Is there a good balance between advanced, intermediate, and beginner
students? Having an imbalance of any of these groups usually points to
underlying problems at the school. For example, lots of beginners and few
advanced students indicates there is a big attrition problem. Why aren't the
students sticking around? On the other hand, there may be an advanced class
where they train. If so, go watch it as well. Having too many advanced
students and few beginners indicates a school that has stopped growing. This
creates a stale atmosphere where new ideas or tough questions may not be
welcome.
- What does the spirit of the school feel like? Are the students helpful and
friendly with each other? Is there a balance between nurturing and competitive
spirits? Do any students or instructors approach you automatically? Do they
look forward to helping you? In the boot camp environment of some schools, you
may see your children getting yelled at or forced to do pushups to control
discipline. Make sure you know what you want for your child.
- Don't judge a book by its cover. While I have been to many great schools
that focus on cleanliness and order, I have also been to many great schools
that thrive in dust. If it bothers you, that's fine, but don't think it has
anything to do with the quality of instruction. The Japanese are
excruciatingly concerned with order and cleanliness, so you can use this as a
benchmark of a traditional Japanese dojo, but not for any other
schools. On the other hands, solid hygiene and cleanliness provides a safer
environment and sets a better example.
- Trophies and other chestpuffery. School pride in the form of pictures and
trophies are fine, but if you are shopping schools, don't make the mistake of
picking the place with the most trophies, unless:
- You are interested in competition
- The trophies are relatively current (within the past 18 months)
- The winners and instructors of the winners are still at the
school
- The trophies were not simply won at closed school events (as
are many large system tournaments such as those held in Taekwon Do dojang).
Preparing your Child for Training
Once you and your child have decided it's time to start training, setting
expectations for your child will go a long way in avoiding disappointment and a
knee-jerk desire to give up. Prepare yourself and your child with some common sense tips:
- Patience and commitment. Martial arts are at their core systems of
movement. Like a child who has never swam before, they may not be prepared
for the learning curve of a new system of movement. It could be a couple of
months before they start to learn how to tread water in this new system.
- It's harder than it looks. A shark makes swimming look easy. If the child
has seen movies and watched demonstrations of highly skilled people, they may
be disappointed to learn how tough it is to get even basic moves right. This
is clearly a valuable life lesson for your child. Getting good takes hard work
and practice.
- Losing hurts. Go to any children's wrestling competition and you will see
the remarkable consistency of kids crying when they lose. This might seem
alarming to parents, but think about what is going on for a second. These kids
are trying their hardest to win. When they lose despite their greatest
efforts, it is very frustrating for them. This combined with physical
exhaustion often leads to tears. I have tried a number of times to talk my
kids out of crying when they lose: "You did your best!" "You looked great out
there!" "That kid is way bigger than you!" "You'll get him next time!",
etc. Ultimately, I decided to give up talking them out of crying and let them
have their tears. Give them a hug and get them back on the mats as quickly as
they can stand it. Crying is natural. They will grow out of it when they
realize on their own that losing is a great way to learn, even if it hurts a
little at the time.
Martial Arts and the Risk of Injury
These are martial arts we are talking about. By putting your child into
training, you realize you are putting your child in some degree of danger for
injury. The waiver doesn't need to tell you that. For me, the toughest part of
this is watching my kids struggle when I know they are about to be defeated.
It's not losing that bothers me. I get a little worried that the choke my little
boy is desperately blocking is going to knock him out before he can realize he
has lost and can "tap out." Getting knocked out by something like a choke (or a
kick for that matter) is a spooky prospect. I've been knocked out before. It is
no fun and scares the heck out of anyone in the vicinity because to an untrained
eye, an unconscious person looks dead, even if for only a second. You get the
picture. You need to decide if you have the stomach for this. The potential
gains in martial arts training are enormous, but there are risks.
For more on training-related injuries, read
Common Injuries in Submission Grappling and Sensible Tips To Prevent Them.
A Recommendation on Training: Austin Jiu-Jitsu
Austin Jiu Jitsu. This is a system I am actively
using for children's martial arts instruction. It is based on a number of different
martial arts. There is heavy influence from Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
There are techniques from Judo, Aikido, and Thai Boxing as well. I designed it for my kids
and have used it successfully since early 2003 so you can
be assured a very picky person has approved this course material:
me! :)
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Copyright © 2003, 2005 by David Thomas